Stranger Than Fiction
by Youkai Of Hearts
Summary: Spoiler alert for seasons 1 and 2, A tale of how the Turtles seem to unintentionally effect the life of one new yorker without either party even knowing it, comedy and fun
1. Chapter 1 In Which Pizza is Lost

It was your typical dark night in the city that never sleeps, I sighed looking over my thesis work, still waiting on the pizza delivery that never came.

It was nearly twelve at night and I'm pretty certain I ordered that pizza at nine, where the hell is my pizza?

I groaned looking at the clock, wondering if it was too late to call back? Where is my peperoni Antonio's pizza?

When the thought crossed my mind, I can hear the door knock, I picked myself up and walked to the door, opened it to find the familiar face of the pizza delivery boy.

"It's about time!" I snapped, going back into my apartment to fish out my purse "I've been waiting for three hours! I was wondering if you weren't going to show up at all"

"It's stolen" I heard him spoke, I froze turning round and stared at him

"Stolen?"

"Yes"

I place my purse back on the counter "It took you three hours to tell me this!"

"I'm sorry but there were four green aliens!" the boy yelled, flailing his arms above his head.

I stared, wondering if I heard him right? "Um excuse me, I don't think I caught that but did you just say you were mugged by four little green men?" the pizza boy nodded vigorously.

I think my brain was still trying to process this information, what possibly could've happened, was he just high?

Are the people at the pizza place so desperate for cheap labour that their hiring crackpots from the crack house down Lunatic Drive?

"Have you been smoking pot young man? Do I need to inform your manager?"

* * *

Just as this was going on, Michelangelo experienced a huge chill up his spine, something that was noticed by Raphael.

"Hey Mikey what's wrong?"

The younger turtle looked at the now empty pizza box with a worried look

"I don't know, I just get the feeling that someone, somewhere really wanted this pizza and we just took it and ate it without a second thought"

Raphael chuffed and patted his brother on the back "Don't worry Mikey, I doubt anyone would even miss it, what's the worse thing that can happen?"

* * *

"Okay I don't know which crack house you came from but in this country when someone orders a pizza, they GET A PIZZA! Not some drugged up crack head that sells your pizza for more pot and then comes up with some cock and bull story about being mugged by little green men!"

The pizza boy quivered at the doorway, terrified beyond belief of my ever growing rage.

You do not mess with a hungry college student that knows Krav Maga doing a thesis paper in twelve in the morning.

"Now you listen to me you snivelling crackpot, I want a refund and next time I order from your establishment I want the next pizza I order to be free, understand!"

* * *

Author's Note: Hey guys, long time no story, so I thought I'd do a bit of TMNT fan fiction based on the new 2012 series, god I love that show, so tell me what you guys think and shout out if you want more!


	2. Chapter 2 In Which Sleep is Important

Okay I don't know what's worse, the very bad horror movie I can hear from next door or the yelling I can hear from above my apartment.

Damn noisy teenagers and neighbours from hell…

There isn't much to know about the guy next door, all I know is that he's some lazy jackass living on benefits and hasn't worked a single day in his life.

_"__We are wasting our time!"_

I can hear from above, narrowing my eyes in annoyance before placing the pillow on to my head, damn kids, I have school in the morning, don't make me come up there damn you!

_"__Intel? You mean April told you"_ one of them spoke

Not long after another voice teased _"You mean your giiirlfriend!"_

I groaned, as the noise grew louder, pushing my pillow harder on my ears.

This is seriously getting on my nerves, it's bad enough that I go to college day in and out, completing paper work, in fact a couple of weeks ago I nearly got hit by a white van coming back from my night job but this is ridiculous.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BLASTED SIGNAL" I can hear my neighbour yell

The noise of him getting up and walking towards the stairway to the rooftop, _maybe now there can be some peace and quite_ I thought to myself.

To be honest I never liked my neighbour, he was a self-absorbed prick with lack of hygiene but who knows maybe under that exterior he's a nice man?

**_"_****_Which one of you green hamshanks busted up my satellite!"_**

Okay I take it back he's a douche

The noises upstairs erupted into a huge argument, maybe this is a good opportunity to grab those sleeping pills? Wait do I even have sleeping pills?

**_"_****_Hey! Watch it buddy!"_**

**_"_****_Oh, I didn't know you had salad tongs!"_**

Okay forget sleeping pills, I need some alcohol, I wonder if seven eleven is still open for me to get my scotch?

With the thought of alcohol coming to my mind, I got up, got my coat and began to make my journey downstairs however half way down I remembered I needed money to get the fore mentioned beverage.

So turn round, go back to apartment room, who knows maybe the noise has quieted down and I can get some sleep.

**_"_****_Salad Tongs! I am not going to take this from some greasy pit stained slob with a comb over!"_**

**_"_****_You calling me ugly? You seen a mirror lately circus freak!"_**

I guess not, grab purse and begin mission to obtain the beverage known as scotch.

I don't even know why I'm talking like that?

There were these annoying guys that came to a donut shop I frequented and were very annoying.

I can still hear their annoying voices not

'Krang do you think the thing known as _donut _will put more weight on krang?'

'Don't worry krang, your not as fat as krang, besides I think that krang can use a treat to make krang happy'

'Krang thanks krang'

Ugh, I wonder if that was a case of inbreeding?

After leaving the apartment and making my way to the shop, I got my scotch and made my way back, already opening the bottle with very tired hands, taking a swig and loving the taste.

Just as I was about to walk in the entrance to the apartments and spoke like a high school girl with a crush "Hah, I'm going to sleep well to-"

Just as the words left my mouth, a man fell from the building above, I jumped in shock.

"OH MY GOD WHAT THE HE-"

Just as I fiddled for my phone, a little pink marshmallow burst out of the man's chest and ran off screeching, I stood there in shock, trying to process what I've just seen.

I slowly turned and looked at the bottle, beginning to pour down the contents of my already wasted money.

I'm going to need something a lot stronger than scotch, maybe the pizza boy had the right idea turning to pot.

* * *

Authors Note: Based on episode three turtle temper, I loved that episode with Raphael because he seemed like a total Tsundere to me, so cute and adorable.


	3. Chapter 3 In Which Lessons are Learned

It's weird but my neighbour disappeared a couple of months ago, on the plus side it's more peaceful but on the downside those teenagers still come by and hang out on the roof.

But they aren't as bad as last time in fact they haven't been here for a while.

I'm actually very content with my living arrangements at the moment but a couple of days ago a neighbour of mine freaked out and ran to my door, knocking on it franticly like it was a live or die situation.

When I asked him what's wrong he told me that he was looking for his kitten Mittens and then out of nowhere some giant green monster appeared with his cat.

So like any other sane person I asked him if he was skipping on his meds again?

Recently I was told by a friend to make an account on My Face, so out of pure boredom I did, not ten seconds from creating an account I accepted a friend request from a kid called Michelangelo.

He asked me what Krav Maga was and for a while I tried to explain to him that it was a martial art and not the toppings of a pizza.

We chatted for a while and he was a very sweet kid, he asked me to meet up with him but I told him it's not a good idea to meet up with a stranger online.

When he asked why, I just told him you wouldn't know what kind of people are lurking online and then changed the topic to something else.

Michelangelo

_No way! You love pizza too!_

Me

_Yeah, I love pizza, in fact I would recommend Antonio's pizza, if not for the fact that the pizza boy was a crackpot_

Michelangelo

_What's a crackpot?_

Me

_Some idiot who spends most of his time selling my pizza to a dealer for drugs, there was an occasion a couple of months ago where he told me that he lost my pizza to four green aliens!_

_Can you believe it!_

Michelangelo

_Wow he sounds like a jerk_

Me

_Yeah he's a real bastard_

Michelangelo

_What does bastard mean?_

I froze for a moment realising what I just typed, oh crap

Me

_Um, it's a word that you use on people who are being mean_

Michelangelo

_Oh, I have three brothers who are mean to me all the time, maybe I should call them that next time._

I panicked my head off, shit what did I just do! I just told a kid a terrible word!

Me

_Um, no you shouldn't do that_

Michelangelo

_Hang on brb_

Me

_No, seriously kid, do NOT USE THAT WORD!_

* * *

"Never in my years have I heard such language" Master Splinter yelled, Mikey was kneeling down in front of him, a bit sad and wondering what he did wrong.

"Where have you picked up that word!"

Mikey grumbled "From a friend on My Face"

Master Splinter looked at his son in disappointment "For that, no internet for a month"

* * *

Authors Note: Based on the episode where Mikey become friends with Bradford for a while, Master Splinter should really make them aware of the term, stranger danger!


	4. Chapter 4 In Which A Mistake is Realised

My neighbours recently thought that getting a greenhouse infested with bees was a good thing.

Who cares, if they want to waste their money planting greenery in New York of all places then what do I have to complain about, it's not as if I bought it!

Recently I started working part time at an office building, it was really nice. The people were friendly and everything although there was one problem.

It might've been the vodka I found in my fridge from last night doing me in but there is literally a man in the office with a giant mechanical suit that reminds me of something you see in the Matrix movies, I hated the last movie, Keanu Reeves fell so in love with his monotone acting that he does it in every film, yes I'm talking about you Forty-Seven Ronin.

Wait, I'm getting off topic… focus, focus, deep breath, memory of half empty vodka bottle in my fridge… or half full depending on your outlook of life. Yes, there we go. So anyway there is a dude walking around in a suit of armour in my workplace, and I have no idea who he is or what he-

"Hey everyone it's Baxter stockman!"

Okay, now I know who he is, but I don't know what he wants or-

"Is this because I fired you."

"That copy machine was already broken when I got to it… I mean-"

Wait, copy machine? Was this the same copy machine which I spilled tea on last week? Oooooh I might have just cost someone their job, and yet I feel no remorse for doing so. Does this make me a bad person?

No, off course not, it's the vodka talking, the delicious, inebriating vodka which is even now languishing in my fridge awaiting my return so I can guzzle it down like a dehydrated man would go for water.

Wait, no, focus, FOCUS!

This is not the time nor the place to be thinking on such things, remember, giant suited man that you probably got fired last week bringing destruction and chaos on to the workplace that you are currently working in.

Baxter turned to a co-worker who was recording the entire thing on camera and chased him, I know this is meant to be serious but I find a little bit of hilarity in this, in fact I think I might put this on tumblr later.

Now I just need to find out how to tumble

Meh

I'll figure it out when I get my peperoni pizza from Antonio's…

* * *

A couple of hours after the turtles came back from their second encounter with Raxter Stockton, Michelangelo was wondering about the pizza he threw, it was a waste to throw away something as awesome as pizza but it was for a good cause.

It was for saving his life but for some reason he felt like he might've pissed someone off by doing so but then shrugged it off as him being silly.

Besides he has more important things to do, they had a Stockman Pod to stop!

* * *

"You again!" I yelled, I was raging because the same pizza boy who lost my pizza a month ago is at my door, telling me he lost my pizza again.

"You better not have sold it for drugs again!"

The pizza boy flailed his arms widely, trying to calm me down "B-But I don't do drugs!"

"Yeah, yeah say goodbye to your tip and your job you drugged up hussy!"

* * *

Authors Note: From episode five, I think his name is Baxter Stockman, hope you guys enjoy this XD


	5. Chapter 5 InWhichAMisunderstandingOccurs

After the fact that people kept breaking into the greenhouse and after the whole Baxter Stickman thing, I decided it would probably be better to move apartments.

So I moved to this nice little apartment, everyone around there seemed nice, my neighbour told me that her niece is staying next door since her father disappeared, she is a nice lady, told me if I needed any help to just ask her.

Sadly though, I'm afraid that even though I am in another area, I still face some problems and one of them still involves the fact that my pizzas keep disappearing so I thought enough was enough and call the pizzeria.

I stood there, tapping my foot waiting for the phone to answer

**_Beep, beep…beep, beep…clank_**

_"__Hello, this is Krang, what is Krang's report on the-"_

"Alright I don't know what kind of place your running!" I began, yelling down the phone "But when I, the customer orders an Antonio's peperoni pizza, I expect to GET an Antonio's peperoni pizza!"

_"__Krang does not recognise the voice of Krang, will the one called 'The Customer' like to elaborate on the location of Krang?"_

I had no idea what he was on about? Maybe this was a new technique in dealing with customers…

"Look mister" I wasn't giving up, I wanted to give them a piece of my mind "Do you have any idea how long I've waited?"

"Krang has estimated that the time that 'The Customer' has spent waiting since this conversation has started is 00.00.06 seconds to the knowledge of Krang"

I growled "Look man, I want a pizza not your rehearsal speech for the Nobel prize!"

"Krang has no knowledge of this thing known as 'The Nobel Prize', allow Krang to ask Krang to see if Krang knows any information on 'The Nobel Prize'"

What kind of business are they running here?

"No! Krang will not go and ask Krang! Pizza! Refund! Now!" I snapped, as I did so I could hear the man on the end of phone asking another one if and I quote "If Krang has any idea what the thing called 'The Nobel Prize' is and should we ask Krang if he knows anything about a peperoni pizza?"

This wasn't getting me anywhere…

A few minutes went by until the man came back on the phone again "Krang has no idea about the Nobel Prize either, would the one known as 'The Customer' like to talk to Krang about Krang?"

"What? No I would not like to talk to Krang about Krang!" I wailed "I just want my god damn Antonio's Peperoni Pizza!"

"Would the one known as 'The Customer' like to leave a message for Krang?"

"Seriously dude, the whole Krang thing is getting annoying, your not from Star Trek and you seriously need to get laid"

There was more silence at the end of the phone until I could hear him yell

"Krang! Does Krang have any information on the phrase 'get laid'?"

"Certainly Krang, from the information that Krang has gathered, getting laid is when a human male and female begin the act of sexu-"

I was getting fed up about this so I decided to put the phone down.

God that was annoying!

Yet I have the strangest feeling that I have heard a couple of guys speaking in that way before?

Nah, just my imagination…

* * *

After that the Krang wondered what this thing called Pizza is? And why was the one known as the customer asked about it in the first place?

When all the necessary data was collected, Krang told Krang to call Antonio's and order this, Peperoni pizza for further investigation.

Upon further analysis on the thing called, Peperoni pizza, Krang agreed that the thing known as pizza was really delicious and that they should order more when they get the permission from Krang.


End file.
